Unlocking Self-Compassion: A Neuroplasticity Guide to Inner Kindness
Self-compassion has become a buzzword in both social media and psychotherapy circles, often described as a simple and transformative practice. Yet, for many of us, it can feel impossible or totally out of reach, especially during times of distress. Why is that? Let’s find out:
Let’s start by defining self-compassion. At its core, it’s the ability to turn toward oneself with kindness and care, to hold space for personal suffering, and to create a sense of inner safety grounded in grace and self-love. Dr. Kristin Neff, one of the leading experts in this field, shares about the beauty of self-compassion in her statement “with self-compassion, we give ourselves the same kindness and support we’d give to a good friend.”
From a neurobiological perspective, self-compassion is a powerful tool. It activates the mind-body system to quickly reduce distress, promoting calm and connection by leveraging our innate drive to form relationships. Yet, despite its benefits, self-compassion often feels elusive in the moments we need it most. Why is that? Shouldn’t it come naturally?
Actually, no. Self-compassion is not instinctual—it’s a learned skill. Here’s why: as humans, we’re hardwired to need one another to survive. Showing compassion and kindness toward others strengthens our chances of survival by fostering connection, belonging, and cooperation, which are critical for our well-being as a species. In other words, compassion for others directly supports our evolutionary need for community. Self-compassion, on the other hand, doesn’t play the same role in ensuring survival or meeting basic needs. Instead, it’s a tool we need to cultivate intentionally.
Simply put: Evolution has hardwired us to extend compassion to others—fellow humans, animals, and even inanimate objects—but not to ourselves.
In my work with patients, I frequently discuss the amygdala's three core goals:
Thankfully, neuroplasticity—the brain’s ability to adapt, learn, and change—means we can teach ourselves new skills at any stage of life. Just as we can learn to speak a new language, master an instrument, or perfect a favorite recipe through repetition and practice, we can cultivate self-compassion. With practice, we can create and strengthen neural pathways that make self-compassion a more automatic, natural response. Imagine sculpting a self-compassionate "neural freeway" in your brain, transforming the way you think, process, and relate to yourself.
Along with neuroplasticity, your brain and body are also wired with another powerful tool for healing that strengthens our brain’s ability to learn new things – mindful touch. The application of Mindful Touch releases soothing neurochemicals like oxytocin, serotonin, and GABA. These neurochemicals foster relaxation, connection, and emotional balance while also enhancing the brain’s neuroplastic properties. When paired with self-compassion exercises, mindful touch enhances your brain’s ability to learn the skill of self-compassion even more effectively and quickly. Let’s try a simple self-compassion exercise that is powered by mindful touch.
Purpose: Activate the brain’s calming pathways while fostering a sense of safety and connection.
Instructions:
While self-compassion may not come pre-installed in our mental operating system, it’s a skill that can be cultivated with practice, curiosity, and tools like mindful touch. Through the power of neuroplasticity, we can transform our inner relationship, creating new possibilities for healing and self-kindness. For more practical tools, exercises, and science-backed strategies to harness your brain’s natural capacity for self-healing, explore my book, Healing in Your Hands: Self-Havening Practices to Harness Neuroplasticity, Heal Traumatic Stress, and Build Resilience. It’s your step-by-step guide to embracing neuroplasticity and building resilience, one compassionate moment at a time.
Let’s start by defining self-compassion. At its core, it’s the ability to turn toward oneself with kindness and care, to hold space for personal suffering, and to create a sense of inner safety grounded in grace and self-love. Dr. Kristin Neff, one of the leading experts in this field, shares about the beauty of self-compassion in her statement “with self-compassion, we give ourselves the same kindness and support we’d give to a good friend.”
From a neurobiological perspective, self-compassion is a powerful tool. It activates the mind-body system to quickly reduce distress, promoting calm and connection by leveraging our innate drive to form relationships. Yet, despite its benefits, self-compassion often feels elusive in the moments we need it most. Why is that? Shouldn’t it come naturally?
Actually, no. Self-compassion is not instinctual—it’s a learned skill. Here’s why: as humans, we’re hardwired to need one another to survive. Showing compassion and kindness toward others strengthens our chances of survival by fostering connection, belonging, and cooperation, which are critical for our well-being as a species. In other words, compassion for others directly supports our evolutionary need for community. Self-compassion, on the other hand, doesn’t play the same role in ensuring survival or meeting basic needs. Instead, it’s a tool we need to cultivate intentionally.
Simply put: Evolution has hardwired us to extend compassion to others—fellow humans, animals, and even inanimate objects—but not to ourselves.
In my work with patients, I frequently discuss the amygdala's three core goals:
- Staying safe
- Being lovable and belonging
- Ensuring success by meeting fundamental needs
Thankfully, neuroplasticity—the brain’s ability to adapt, learn, and change—means we can teach ourselves new skills at any stage of life. Just as we can learn to speak a new language, master an instrument, or perfect a favorite recipe through repetition and practice, we can cultivate self-compassion. With practice, we can create and strengthen neural pathways that make self-compassion a more automatic, natural response. Imagine sculpting a self-compassionate "neural freeway" in your brain, transforming the way you think, process, and relate to yourself.
Along with neuroplasticity, your brain and body are also wired with another powerful tool for healing that strengthens our brain’s ability to learn new things – mindful touch. The application of Mindful Touch releases soothing neurochemicals like oxytocin, serotonin, and GABA. These neurochemicals foster relaxation, connection, and emotional balance while also enhancing the brain’s neuroplastic properties. When paired with self-compassion exercises, mindful touch enhances your brain’s ability to learn the skill of self-compassion even more effectively and quickly. Let’s try a simple self-compassion exercise that is powered by mindful touch.
Exercise: Leaning into Self-Compassion with Curiosity and Mindful Care
Purpose: Activate the brain’s calming pathways while fostering a sense of safety and connection.
Instructions:
- Bring your body into a comfortable position.
- Begin mindful touch by gently stroking your arms from your shoulders down to your elbows like you’re giving yourself a moving hug.
- As you continue the intentional kind and soothing mindful touch, try breathing in gently and repeat a self-compassionate phrase silently or out loud, such as:
- “It’s okay to feel this way.”
- “The way I feel makes sense.”
- “I am worthy of love and care.”
- “I offer myself kindness in this moment.”
- Continue for 2–3 minutes, focusing on the sensation of your touch and the soothing effect of your words.
- Note: If you notice that these statements feel awkward or untrue, try adding the words “What if?” at the beginning of your sentence. Turning a statement into a question full of curiosity often helps our brains move through discomfort and deeper into self-compassion.
While self-compassion may not come pre-installed in our mental operating system, it’s a skill that can be cultivated with practice, curiosity, and tools like mindful touch. Through the power of neuroplasticity, we can transform our inner relationship, creating new possibilities for healing and self-kindness. For more practical tools, exercises, and science-backed strategies to harness your brain’s natural capacity for self-healing, explore my book, Healing in Your Hands: Self-Havening Practices to Harness Neuroplasticity, Heal Traumatic Stress, and Build Resilience. It’s your step-by-step guide to embracing neuroplasticity and building resilience, one compassionate moment at a time.
Healing in Your Hands: Self-Havening Practices to Harness Neuroplasticity, Heal Traumatic Stress, and Build Resilience
The power to heal the wounds of your past, create your present, and build your future is in your own hands. Written by Dr. Kate Truitt, a psychologist, neuroscientist, and trauma expert, Healing in Your Hands is the first book of its kind to integrate the neuroscience of trauma with cutting-edge research on self-havening – a groundbreaking technique that draws on the power of mindful touch to heal even the most profound traumatic stress. It weaves together powerful client stories, insights from the field of neuroscience, and personalized havening practices to create a complete self-healing program that anyone can use.
Meet the Expert:
Dr. Kate Truitt, a clinical psychologist, applied neuroscientist, and international bestselling author, is an expert in trauma, stress, and resilience. She is the founder of the educational platform Truitt Institute and leads her award-winning clinical team at Dr. Kate Truitt & Associates. As a member of the Goldie Hawn Foundation’s MindUP Scientific Advisory Committee and a co-Developer of the Havening Techniques®, as well as an expert contributor to the Kevin Love Fund and Girl Scouts of America, Dr. Truitt passionately advocates for mental health literacy and personal empowerment globally. Her voice in the mental health arena extends to her role as a speaker and media consultant, including being featured in BBC and Today, and also speaking at prestigious platforms like the United Nations and the United States Department of Defense. Dr. Truitt founded and is the Chairman of the Board for the Amy Research Foundation, a 501c3 organization focused on advancing research into the innovative treatment realm of neuroscience-based mental health and wellness interventions. As the author of her memoir, #1 Top New Release, Keep Breathing: A Psychologist’s Intimate Journey Through Loss, Trauma, and Rediscovering Life and the international bestseller Healing in Your Hands: Self-Havening Exercises to Harness Neuroplasticity, Heal Traumatic Stress, and Build Resilience, she is dedicated to advancing the treatment of traumatic stress while making significant strides in destigmatizing mental health and fostering resilience worldwide.
Learn more about her educational products, including upcoming live seminars, by clicking here.
Learn more about her educational products, including upcoming live seminars, by clicking here.
